'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 1
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
1.
As a rule, you spend very little time mixing with any of the armoured divisions: you find die Barin to be smelly and unreliable creatures and whilst you are being driven there you amuse yourself by sketching some designs for a mechanical bear powered entirely by marmalade on a scrap of paper. When you get arrive, the area has already been cordoned off by MPs. The ranking officer snaps off a smart salute and ushers you inside, his face grim.
There are no bears present, only the body of the victim lying in one of the bear-stalls. It is that of a uniformed dwarf. It does not take much examination to see that he has been killed by a blow to the forehead with a heavy object: his skull is smashed, and blood and brain matter has soaked into the straw upon which he lies. Chunks of gore and – unusually - festive pie lie scattered about him like macabre confetti.
If you want to examine the body, go to 18
If you want to interrogate the officer, go to 09
If you want to blow the body up with a grenade, go to 06
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 276
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 2
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~
2.
“Time is ticking, Entwickler” says Hauptling, tapping his watch in an exaggerated manner. “Have you solved the case?”
If you think the killer was Felix Navidad, go to 33
If you think the killer was Vince Pie, go to 43
If you think the killer was ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 23
If you think the real murderer was the friends you made along the way, go to 37
If you have some other clues that might help, you will have three numbers. Add them together and go to the corresponding paragraph.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 183
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 3
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~
3.
You offer your humble apologies to Ginger and leave the warehouse, doffing your hat as you do so (carefully, so as not to cause the frog to fall out). “An’ don’t come back!” he shouts after you.
Such disrespect for a superior officer! It takes a good few minutes with a stress ball to cool your mounting rage before you’re able to think. It seems there is little more to be gained here. Where next?
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you want to speak to Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’re ready to wrap up the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 164
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 4
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
4.
Felix Navidad is on leave, but you track him down to a sleazy bierkeller joint called the Fairytale of Brew York. When you arrive the bouncer tries to stop you entering, but you’re a pretty big deal so he eventually relents.
Inside the room is full of lowlifes drinking and watching the stage, where an oompah band is parping away: festive tunes and those extolling the greatness of the Kaiser, on the whole. You are not interested in music nor beer, so you quickly lose interest and ask the barman about Felix Navidad.
“Of course Hauptmann” the barman says deferentially. “That’s him in the corner playing cards with a gang of dwarves of low moral fibre. Please try not to cause any trouble.”
You stride across the room and take a seat across from Felix who looks up at you from a scarred and pockmarked face. He is a Korporal so you outrank him, but before he can stand and salute you wave dismissively and indicate rank can be disregarded – you just want to talk.
Felix shrugs and indicates the dwarves of low moral fibre should leave. He looks at you nonplussed.
“What do you want, Hauptmann?” he says cautiously.
If you want to ask Felix about Vic Timm, go to 11
If instead you want to shoot Felix go to 24
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 170
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 5
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~
5.
“Stollen?” Hauptmann Pie says in disbelief when you raise the subject. “Awful stuff. Can’t put it in a pie. As a general rule it’s banned from any the premises, along with brussel sprouts and those wheels of little candied fruit slices.”
You nod in sympathy and then produce the stollen you found at the factory, asking if he can tell anything about it. Pie sniffs the stollen in obvious distaste.
“Out of date - about 13 days out of date, I’d say. If you ask me, this should be incinerated.”
This date seems relevant for some reason, so you write it down in your notebook. Make a note of this number!
There seems to be little other information you can get from Pie so you should now head elsewhere.
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to finish the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 159
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 6
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~
6.
Thinking quickly, you unsling a grenade from your belt and hurl it the corpse, blowing it to bloody chunks.
“What the hell, dude?” shouts the officer as you wipe gore from your anti-gore goggles (not functioning). “You explosive-obsessed nincompoop! How are we supposed to investigate this now?”
Before long Oberst Hauptling is back on the phone, but instead of Christmas Cheer, all he has for you is a big fat Christmas suspension.
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 191
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 7
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~
7.
“His first dog? Why, that would be little Olaf” replies Felix.
You nod eagerly. “And his mother’s maiden name?”
But this is too much. Felix narrows his eyes in suspicion.
“You’re just trying to ask for a load of password information!” he snaps. “I’m out of her.”
He gives you a contemptuous salute and marches out. It seems this lead is a dead one.
If you’d like to speak to Hauptmann Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to finish the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 155
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 8
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~
8.
You decide it’s time to pay a visit to ‘’Silent’ Dwight. The crooked quartermaster keeps a low profile, but your sources tell you he runs an illegal reindeer-fighting operation round the back of the airfield, so you decide to start there.
The airfield is bustling with dwarves about their work, even at this, the most wonderful time of the year, but they all stop in awe as you arrive. It is simple work to demand the location of Dwight’s reindeer operation, but a careful approach may be needed to avoid scar9ng the miscreants off. Relying on your natural stealth as a crazy-invention-laden dwarven army officer you make your way towards a disused hangar at the far end of the airfield, flitting from shadow to shadow so as hopefully not to be spotted. Within you can hear voices raised in argument.
If you want to knock politely go to 19
If you’d prefer to blast through the door with your paznerknacker go to 28
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 163
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 9
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~
9.
“Thank the Kaiser you have arrived '' says the officer as you get out your notebook. “To be frank we don’t have much. Far as we can tell the victim is one private Timm - Victor Timm. He’s a bear trainer recently transferred in from the Grenadiers - we’ve no idea what he’s doing here face down in a pile of festive pastry treats. Anyway, I’m off now, bye!”
He goes to leave, but you seize him and demand more information. The officer stares, horror-struck, into the eyes of your night-vision frog. The frog croaks forlornly. Eventually the officer speaks.
“Very well. All I have for you is a bit of exposition,” he gasps. “Timm’s transfer from the Grenadiers to the Panzar-Bar unit was raised a few eyebrows as he has a shady past – he was connected to dodgy quartermaster and suspected crook ‘’Silent’ Dwight: he served time inside a military stockade for his part in the infamous badger heist. Faced dismissal when he came out, but it seemed he’d gone strictly legit and expressed a desire to work with bears, leaving all that badger business behind him. You could check out his old unit: he served with the 16th Battalion, penal division – “Felix’s Fanatics”. Oh, and I should probably mention that with the bears moved up to the front, we have converted the bear-training facility into a mince pie manufacturing facility in order to give all our loyal troops a delicious festive treat. You could do worse than to speak to the officer in charge, one Hauptmann Vince Pie.”
You give the officer a stern look to stop him running off again. What now?
If you want to examine Vic Timm (if you have not already done so) go to 18
If you want to blow the body to bits with explosive for no reason whatsoever go to 06
If you’re ready to proceed with the investigation, go to 12
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 183
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 10
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~
10.
With a shrug of your shoulders you leave the crime scene, go straight home, decant your frog into its frog bucket and chill out with hot cup of cocoa. You nod off and are awakened the next morning by a call from the irate Oberst Hauptling giving you an absolute roasting. Looks bad for you!
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 166
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 11
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~
11.
“Yeah, I know Vic” he says grumpily. “But what’s it to you?” He evidently doesn’t want to speak to an officer. “I don’t have any business with you… sir. Respectfully, I think you should leave, buddy.”
If you’d like to buy Felix a beer, go to 34
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 205
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 12
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~
12.
It looks like you have three leads. Time to apply your famous Entwickler cunning!
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you'd like to speak to Vince Pie, go to 41
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad, go to 04
Or if you’d rather just go home and have a nice evening indoors go to 10
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 178
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 13
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~
13.
Snarling in rage at his rudeness, you ball your hand into a massive fist and give Ginger an almighty thump. He goes flying through the air to crash into a heap of crates at the far side of the room, spilling smuggled Christmas ornaments across the floor with a merry tinkle.
With nobody to stop you, you move through the warehouse, your keen eye looking for clues. Eventually you spot a staircase and make your way up the stairs. There is an office above and you sneakily pick the lock to gain entrance and begin rifling through the filing cabinets within.
As you are peering at the documentation you hear a polite cough and turn to find a smartly dressed dwarf in quartermasters uniform standing in the doorway. A golden crown glitters on the lapel of his smartly dressed suit: ‘Silent’ Dwight himself. He coughs politely. “Can I help you, Herr Entwickler?” he says with a stuff salute.
If you want to ask David about Vic Timm, got to 25
If you just want to just blow Dwight away without another word, go to 30
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 188
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 14
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~
14.
One look at Ginger’s knife fills you with terror and with a howl you turn and run from the warehouse, waving your arms over your head and with the thugs’ mocking laughter in your ears.
After running for a bit, you realise he is not following you so you pretend you’ve been jogging and come to a stop, checking your watch and muttering about personal bests.
Looks like that lead is a bust. What now?
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 4
If you want to speak to Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’re ready to wrap up the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 164
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 15
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~
15.
The sweating Vince Pie enrages you, so you leap to your feet and smash his desk with a single blow of your armoured fist, throw back your head and let out a dwarven war cry.
Hauptmann Pie screams in terror, and the doors are thrown open as the security detail bursts in, weapons at the ready. “S-stop where you are, Hauptmann Entwickler” one stammers, his face pale.
If you’d like to surrender to the security goons and apologise, go to 42
If you’d like to stage a coup and take over this entire empire, go to 21
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 167
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 16
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~
16.
Pie is a little more than a hapless desk jockey and no match for a trained and dangerous man like yourself. You shoot him through the forehead and leave him under the desk.
You then make a quick search of his office, but can find nothing of use, only endless paperwork regarding the creation, baking and transporting of huge numbers of mince pies. In frustration you screw up some of the paper and feed it to the frog but it does not deliver any answers.
On the way out, Pie’s adjutant asks you how Pie is. You just nod.
That’s exhausted this lead. What is your next move?
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight (if you’ve not already done so) go to 08
If you’re ready to finish the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 158
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 17
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~
17.
“Sure, sure. He kept them in a panda-hotel over by the motor pool. Place is run by a guy named, uh, Fred Panda. He might know more.” He checks her watch. “They close pretty soon, but if you’re quick you might catch him!”
You rush out but are halfway down the street when you realise there is no such thing as a panda-hotel! Rushing back, you find Felix has already slipped away. Finding him at this late hour will be near impossible.
It’s a dead end here. What do you want to do now?
If you’d like to talk to Hauptmann Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to solve the mystery, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 151
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 18
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
18.
You approach the corpse with care. It is dark in the room, but your frog ribbits helpfully and you avoid stepping on anything too horrible as you commence your examination. He’s dead alright.
As well as blood, the body smells of delicious raisins, apples and spices. You go through it’s pockets and as you do so, something drops out of its jacket pocket and rolls across the floor to come to rest against your boot. It’s a half-eaten chunk of stollen - but what was this guy doing eating stollen here in this panzer-pen?
You thoughtfully eat some of the stollen yourself, but to your dismay, it is stale.
The plot thickens!
If you want to speak to the officer (if you have not already done so) go to 09
If you now want to blow the body up go to 06
If you’re ready to proceed with the investigation, go to 12
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 186
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 19
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~
19.
You knock politely on the door and wait. There is much sound of activity within - footsteps, heavy boxes being moved and the faint jingling of bells - until the door is answered by a thuggish looking dwarf with a greasy red beard.
“I’m ‘Ginger’ Breadd’” he says aggressively. “Whaddaya want, dummkopf?”
You claim to be here to borrow a cup of sugar, and he lets you in, grumbling.
“Hey wait a minute” he says suddenly “You ain’t no baker! You’re the infamous inventor Hauptmann Entwickler, Pride of the Ausdenkerkorps! This is a restricted area. Unless you got orders to be here, you need to get outta here pronto!”
You don’t have any such orders.
If you’d like to give Ginger a thump with your mighty fist, go to 13
If you’d just like to apologise and leave, go to 03
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 172
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 20
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~
20.
Felix launches into a lengthy tale and starts spinning you a load of quatsch about Timm and you sadly realise he has no intention of telling you truth. Your ruse has failed!
You consider having him clapped in irons, but as it is Christmas you instead just shrug, give him a hearty handshake and head off into the night.
Sadly, this lead is now cold. What do you want to do next?
If you’d like to talk to Hauptmann Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to solve the mystery, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 150
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 21
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
21.
Aaargh! You have had enough of this nonsense. Unleashing your terrifying inventions you blast Hauptmann Pie and his entire security detail to bits before blowing up the HQ and carving a trail of destruction through the city and back to your lab where you keep your really good top secret super science. There it is a simple matter to unlimber your various death rays, weather control machines, dimensional portals and caged mutant beasts and launch an assault on the entire Land. Before long the entire world is under Entwickler rule, all civilisation is crushed beneath your boots, and everything is on fire. Entwickler wins! This deeply unfeasible resolution, which is certainly not canon, also means that...
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 164
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 22
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
22.
The red-headed dwarf advances on you with a furious look on his face as the rest of the crowd rushes out the back. You start to say you want to see ‘Silent’ Dwight, but he interrupts.
“Dis party is invitation only” he snarls “And I don’t remember inviting no officer with no frg on his hat, sure as my name’s ‘Ginger’ Breadd. And it is!” His knife glitters wickedly in the bleak midwinter light.
If you think this fellow needs to be taught a lesson in violence, go to 39
If you’d like to plead for calm, go to 35
If you think you might be better off running away, go to 14.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 160
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 23
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
23.
“I’d love to believe you” Hauptling says, as you lay out your accusation “But we have two dozen Red Panda that are prepared to swear ‘Silent’ Dwight was with them at the time of the murder. You’ve messed up again, Entwickler!” He reaches into his drawer. “I’m afraid it’s coal for your Christmas bonus again.”
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 165
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 24
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
24.
Felix, foolishly, has not noticed that you have your panzerknacker under the table, just like Han Solo! With a smirk you pull the trigger and blow him backwards across the room.
The bar has fallen silent at your sudden and unprovoked act of violence. Very cooly and deliberately you stand up and walk out of the room, allowing yourself a chuckle as you leave.
Nothing more to find here, Entwickler! Now what?
If you want to speak to Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight (if you’ve not already done so) go to 08
If you’re ready to wrap up the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 161
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 25
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
25.
“Yeah, I know Timm” Dwight admits “But I don’t work with him no more. Badgers ain't happening no more, it’s all about red pandas now and let me tell you, Vic does not like pandas. Funny fact this - his entire family were killed by pandas whilst he was in the West Indies. So, we don’t deal anymore. I heard he’d put in a transfer to work with bears, but we ain’t had no contact.”
You mention Vic Timm is dead, and Dwight looks shocked.
“That’s sad to hear, but I don’t know who did it. Especially as I am a legitimate businessman who has no truck with murder or other crimes. Say Hauptmann, you want to buy a red panda? They’re real cute! Special rate for officers!”
You refuse his panda bribe and leave soon after. Unbeknownst to Dwight you have been wearing some thick an scratchy acid-proof lie-detecting socks of your own invention - and it was clear to you David was telling the truth.
You’ll find nothing more here. What’s up next?
If you want to speak to Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you’re ready to wrap up the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 159
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 26
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
26.
“A murder?” squeals Vince Pie, horrified. “How deeply un-festive! And on top of the theft, too!” He reaches into his drawer, pulls out a small jar of aniseed flavoured bratwurst and takes a couple to calm him down. “Tell me all the details!”
You outline the situation to him to his growing horror.
“Vic Timm - that’s a name I know. Yes, he worked here for a while - he oversaw our badger-staffed office cleaning operation. Badgers are ideal cleaners for an operation like mine you see, as they despise mince pies and only eat frangipane. But we had to let him go, I’m afraid. I had no idea he had moved to work with bears.”
You question him further but he seems to have nothing else of use.
If you’d like to now ask him about stollen, go to 05
If you’d like to leave and go speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you’d like to leave and investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to finish the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 151
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 27
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~
27.
You deliver a sinister smile to Hauptmann Pie and sit down in a chair opposite his desk, folding your arms before you. Pie attempts a smile, but you can see he is sweating, and his hands are shaking.
If you’d like to slam your fist down on Vince Pie’s desk and let out a Dwarven battle cry, go to 15
If you’d like to enquire about the extra security, go to 32
If you’d just like to gun down Vince Pie, go to 16
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 174
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 28
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~
28.
With a mighty yell you blast your way through the locked door and into the warehouse where a sea of surprised faces are turned in your direction. In the centre of the room two reindeer stand tethered in a small but cheerfully decorated ring, whilst around the outside two dozen unsavoury characters stand in shock, many with cups of eggnog clutched in their hands.
As you advance on the crowd they slowly begin to back off - all bar one man, a thuggish looking dwarf with a red beard. He does not seem bothered by your threatening appearance nor your superior rank as he steps to meet you, and you spy the glitter of a blade in his hand.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 156
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 29
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~
29.
With a flourish, you present your case.
The number four rubber ball was concealed within the panda: adult red pandas are four to five feet in length. What else is four to five feet in length? The case that enclosed the solid gold, diamond dusted mince pie that only two days ago went missing from the Pie logistics centre. Timm had worked there and knew about the Pie: he wanted to tip off his old comrade Felix Navidad that the theft was a success, but without alerting ‘Silent’ Dwight that it was he that was involved.
The snowman found on ‘Ginger’ Breadd had a number on the back - the number 12. The Snowman ‘Walking in the Air’ 12 inch record was released in 1987 - add those numbers together to get 25, which is the cell block Vic Timm and ‘Ginger Breadd’ were incarcerated in together. Timm and Bread therefore must clearly have worked together to steal the golden pie. 25 is also the number of bear pens in the Panzer Bear enclosure. We can guess Timm, or Breadd, entered the pie logistics HQ hidden inside a consignment of luxury mincemeat, and we can probably assume they, or the golden pie, left via that same consignment - which would have taken them to the temporary pie assembly line there.
Finally, Timm was found with a lump of stollen that was thirteen days out of date. Thirteen is an unlucky number, so this likely is a clue to whatever caused his death as death is generally the unluckiest thing that can happen to you. The stollen was found where we are manufacturing mince pies, but what’s in stollen but not mince pies? Marzipan. The word marzipan has eight letters in it as does the word murderer - it seems obvious therefore that the murderers name also has eight letters in it.
Therefore, to your brilliant mind, it seems obvious: Timm, and his accomplice ‘Ginger’ Breadd, worked together to steal the pie. They hid it in the luxury mincemeat bound for the pie assembly line. Timm returned there tonight, where he met with the third member of the gang who, after sharing some stollen, bashed his head in, probably with a giant mince pie spoon or something like that, that bit isn’t important, and made off with the loot.
“That’s the biggest collection of totally bonkers mental leaps I’ve ever heard” Oberst Hauptling says doubtfully. “Where is this all leading?”
You nod your assent. In truth, you expected Hauptling to say that… because who has eight letters in his name, would have known both Breadd and Timm, was seen in the Mince Pie factory after dark, and also is eating some stollen right now?
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 142
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 30
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~
30.
With catlike reflexes you draw your panzerknacker and fire a single round at ‘Silent’ Dwight. At this range the effect is devastating. He has time for one plaintive yell before the heavy-duty shell reduces him to a fine red mist.
That’s one more villain dealt with, but what do you do next?
If you’d like to interview Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you've not already done so) go to 04
If you’re ready to wrap things up, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 152
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 31
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~
31.
“Huh” he replies with a shrug. “Guess you know your stuff after all. Ok, I’ll spill the beans. Yeah, Vic had this real thing about panda bears. He told people it was due to a traumatic backstory, but the truth is he was creeped out by them - thought they looked like little Pokemon. That’s how I knew something was up last time I saw him.”
You raise a menacing eyebrow indicating he should continue.
“I lost contact with Vic when he moved out of the penal squad and into the bear boys, but he was in here last week and we shared a couple of pints. He had a few things to sell – under the table stuff, you know - gold, frankincense and so on - but also he gave me this.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a stuffed red panda with a goofy expression.
“I can’t imagine Vic even picking this up himself. He musta been trying to tell me something - but what?”
You take the red panda from him as you do so it snags on the sharp edge of some sauerkraut a and accidentally tears in two with your massive claws. Felix sighs.
“Figures.” he says. “Look, I got places to be. Nice drinking with you, Hauptmann.”
After he leaves you begin the stuffing, when in the middle of the floor you find a single purple rubber ball with a number 4 on it. Did it come from within the toy?
This number seems significant, so you should make a note of it.
Regardless, you’re done here. Where next?
If you’d like to talk to Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to investigate ‘Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to solve the mystery, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 159
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 32
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~
32.
“Why, just a couple of days ago this Pie HQ was most unfestively violated” says Hauptmann Pie. “This is top secret information, but a thief broke in and stole an incredibly valuable diamond dusted, solid gold giant mince pie we had planned to award to the Kaiser himself. He indicates a tall glass cabinet at the back of the room which stands conspicuously empty. “We are unsure how the perpetrator gained entrance: we had a delivery of luxury mincemeat that day that was dropped off here before heading to the Pie assembly line at the repurposed PanzarBar pens - I insist on tasting the mincemeat myself but only within the comfort of my office - and it’s possible the thief may have come or gone then.” A look of puzzlement crosses his face. “Your own superior is dealing with the matter. Did he not send you to look further into the matter?”
If you say that you are here to ask about a murder at the mince pie assembly line, go to 26
If you say you’re here to ask about Stollen, go to 05
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 167
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 33
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~
33.
“That theory makes no sense” splutters Hauptling. “Felix Navidad was drinking in a packed bar at the time of death - he has a hundred witnesses to back up that alibi. There’s no evidence so you’re obviously just guessing. You’re a worthless chancer, Entwickler! I hope you’re ready for a happy new year - on the dole!”
It seems that you have not solved the case!
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 153
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 34
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~
34.
A wide smile spreads over Felix’s face as the steins of beer arrive on the table.
“Cheers Hauptmann” he says after a long swig. “I heard you were a maniac with a unreliable and dangerous stock of novelty rubbish inventions, but you’re a pretty stand up dwarf. So tell me, why are you really here asking about Vic?”
You tell him you are investigating Timm’s brutal murder and he looks surprised and spits on the floor.
“Poor Vic” he says. “He was a bum, but he was a good guy at heart. He was just getting back on his feet after time inside too - got himself a couple of pandas, started training them up. Reckoned he was gonna get himself out of the army and go all the way to the top this time.”
If you say you want to know more about this panda business, go to 17
If you say you heard Timm hated Red Panda, go to 31
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 170
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 35
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~
35.
You spread your arms wide and plead for calm, suggesting you and Ginger instead enjoy a good old Christmas hug and forget this unpleasantness.
Ginger does not agree. Instead, he leaps forward and rams his knife into your chest.
“Entwickler? More like DEAD-Wickler!” he shouts triumphantly as you sink to the floor. You will never know who the killer was - for you, yourself have been killed!
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 159
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 36
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~
36.
“I’m glad you’re here, Entwickler” Hauptling says angrily. “I’ve decided to put the Timm murder on the backburner. We’ve a far more serious problem - YOU. You’ve been gunning people down left and right and that’s not how we do things in this army, buddy. You’re under arrest!”
Miserably you surrender and are taken off to the cells, where you will spend Christmas thinking about the errors of your rampage.
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 172
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 37
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~
37.
“That doesn’t make the blindest bit of sense!” shouts Hauptling. “You’re a useless idiot, Entwickler! Get out of my office!”
It seems that you have not solved the case!
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 159
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 38
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~
38.
It’s time to wrap up this investigation! You head across to high command to confront your boss. Oberst Hauptling is in his office eating some late-night snacks. He looks at you sharply as you enter.
Have you killed more than one person in the course of your investigation? If so, go to 36
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 157
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 39
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~
39.
“I hate officers!” shouts Ginger as he lunges forward with his knife. “And I especially hate you, Entwickler! Why, my own brother was killed in that rubbish scenario about the mecha crab! I’ll carve ya up like a Christmas Turkey!”
He is fast but no match for the Pride of the Ausdenkerkorps. Swift as a flash you deploy your sleeve-mounted, poisonous spike-covered boxing glove to jab straight into his nose, and then just to make sure you shoot him several times.
By the time you are done the rest of the Dwarves have fled. It seems there is little more to be gained here, but a prudent check of Ginger’s pockets reveals a strange object - a snowman made of silver with glittering black onyx eyes and buttons, and a shining golden nose. Turning it over, the number 12 is scratched into its back.
Could this be a clue? You carefully put it into an envelope. Make a note of this number!
As you do so you hear footsteps behind you and turn to see a smartly dressed man entering through the giant hole you smashed in the wall. A golden crown glitters on the lapel of his smartly dressed suit: ‘Silent’ Dwight himself. The look of anger on his face is slowly replaced with shock as he spies the still twitching body of Ginger on the ground.
If you’d like deal with ‘Silent’ Dwight’ too, permanently, go to 30.
If you’d like to seize ‘Silent’ Dwight and scare some answers out of him, go to 44
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 156
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 40
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~
40.
Felix eyes the night vision frog that is clearly still sitting on your helmet with suspicion but eventually says “OK. What do you need to know?”
If you want to ask him to tell you everything she knows about Vic Timm, turn to 20
If you’d like to ask him for Timm’s first dogs name, turn to 07
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 177
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 41
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~
41.
You decide it is time to speak with Hauptmann Vince Pie, the officer tasked with the seasonal mince pie project. It’s not difficult to discover his whereabouts: the Hauptmann is still at work despite the late hour coordinating complex pie logistics at regional HQ. You commandeer a staff car, make good time there where you find the building is crawling with an unusual number of security guards, who deliver a series of pleasing salutes to you as you stalk through the building.
Giving the Pie’s adjutant a cheery nod you walk into the messy office of Vince Pie. The corpulent pie-master himself is seated behind a desk stacked haphazardly with papers and looks up, alarmed, as you enter.
If you would like to calmly sit down go to 27
If you’d like to immediately shoot Vince Pie, go to 16
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 178
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 42
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~
42.
Realising you have lost control; you hang your head in shame and meekly apologise to the security team and to Hauptmann Pie before carefully gathering the shards of his desk and attempting to piece them back together with a box your patented super-stick snails.
Hauptmann Pie is a forgiving sort, and after a while he gently suggests maybe you should leave. He gives you a mince pie for good luck.
It doesn’t look like you’ll be welcome back here. What next?
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you’ve not already done so) go to 04
If you’d like to investigate ‘’Silent’ Dwight, go to 08
If you’re ready to finish the investigation, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 161
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 43
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
43.
“Is that the best you can do?” says Hauptling in disbelief as you outline your sketchy case against Hauptmann Vince Pie. “Not only is this conjecture of the strongest sort, but at the time of the murder, Pie was overseeing the annual charity orphan egg-and-pie race at St. Pie’s orphanage. He’d have to be pretty clever to do that AND kill a man at the same time. Tell you what Entwickler, why don’t you have some time off? FOREVER. That means you’re fired, by the way.”
Another adventure bungled.
Your adventure ends here.
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 172
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 44
(Note: If you have arrived here through means other than playing 2024's exclusive Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham you likely want to start from the beginnning, that can be found here.)
~
44.
Before Dwight can move you spring forward and shove the barrel of your gun up his nose. “I’ll dalk, I’ll dalk!” he cries. You remove the gun from his nostrils, but keep it trained on him as he spills the beans.
“I heard somebody whacked Timm over at the Panzar-stables but I don’t know who did it, I swear! I was carol singing over at the orphanage - I got this troupe of red pandas, you see, and we trained them to sing - or at least squeak along with the tune.”
Unimpressed by this nonsense you growl tighten your finger on the trigger, and in response Dwight lets out a yelp.
“Ok, Ok!” he says. “The pandas are a cover. As well as singing we trained them to pick pockets. But that’s it, I promise! I don’t know who killed Timm! I’ve not spoken to him since he got out, now I’m outta the badger game. Vic hates pandas. Funny fact this - his entire family were killed by pandas whilst he was in the West Indies. I asked him to come in with us, but he refused coz of that.”
Satisfied Dwight is telling the truth, you dump him safely on the floor and suggest he turn himself in by breakfast time - or you’ll be back to deal with him. White-faced, he agrees.
Looks like you’ve exhausted this particular line of questioning. Where to now?
If you’d like to interview Vince Pie (if you’ve not already done so) go to 41
If you’d like to speak to Felix Navidad (if you've not already done so) go to 04
If you’re ready to wrap things up, go to 38
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 157
'Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder'
A Panzerfäuste Gamebook by Luke Passingham
Paragraph 45
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~
45.
“Gasp! You’re right, it was me all along!” says Oberst Hauptling, clearly dumbfounded. “But how did you know I was at the mince pie assembly line?”
“Mince Spies!” you answer. “They saw you there and told me off-camera!”
“Curses!” says Oberst Hauptling. “And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you pesky meddling inventor! Ho Ho!”
You both laugh and he hands you a massive sack of cash to ensure your silence.
“Happy Christmas Entwickler! And Happy Christmas to anyone who reads this nonsense this far!”
You have solved the case! Happy Christmas!
- Details
- Written by Luke Passingham
- Category: Entwickler and the Mince Pie Murder
- Hits: 150