flintloque-logo-304x90Austin Powys - International Hobgoblin of Mystery in

"Je Ne Regret Rhian"

A Flintloque Scenario by CJ Hooper

(with thanks to Ali Pardoe)


Austin Powys - International Hobgoblin of Mystery Returns!


It was the night before Cryptmas and inside the lab

No one was working, except for the scabs,

Who didn’t strike (for they wanted their bonus)

And all outside the onus was upon them

To supply gifts for the kids, children and sprogs

Toy guns and handbags and things with cogs.

The boss was trapped somewhere inside

Having found a safe place to hide.

For the Elves had revolted and turned against St. Nick

On this one night a year when none may call in sick

The presents were wrapped and good to go,

The sleigh was ready to fly out and above the snow.

But the Elves here are far from nice,

They are Ferach and in a trice

They had turned against their master

Who’d bid them duly ‘You must work faster!

Cryptmass day is nearly here

And even orphans are in good cheer

But should they not smile on the morrow,

Why for the world this shall mean sorrow!

The laughter of children is God’s own blessing,

So crack on all of you! No Messing!’

Santa lashed them with his cat o’nine tails

That soon put wind in their sails.

But the Ferach Elves had long been enslaved

And never a one had ever been saved

From the life of Yuletide hardship

And on one slave’s shoulder there had been such a chip,

For the dark secret of Santa’s lair

Was that all his workers had been taken there

Forced to work throughout the year...

General Mudd was a dark old elf,

With some small respect for himself

Still remaining in his tired old heart

And with him the revolution did start.

They smashed the toys and broke the looms

They ransacked nearly all the rooms.

Santa himself they could not find

For Santa had a plan in mind

By pneumatic tube a message he sent

To the good old Albion Government

Who sent out their best in the most desperate of hours

The one and only Austin Powys...

Austin too had a vested interest

For he’d neglected a present for his best girl Rhian

A daughter who he’d barely see’n

For her he wanted the finest present

A special Cryptmass roasted Pheasant... (what else rhymes with present?)


The Set Up

The set up is the factory floor with as  many cupboards and rooms that the players see fit and dependant upon the desired length of game.  10 or 12 is ideal as this equates to the most appropriate dice size for these purposes.  Here at Tarrwen Harbour we are nothing if not practical.

Austin arrives through a ventilation shaft into the factory of the Elves.  The lighting is low as the power is out.  The power is run by magic and Santa is not feeling helpful.

There are patrols of many elves scouring the factory for Santa, Austin must find him first.

With each room searched the chances of finding Santa increases, as does his chance of being discovered by the elves.

If there are ten rooms the side searching has a one in ten chance of locating Santa by ransacking the room.  Each room searched increases that chance so that if after nine rooms Santa has not been found he must be in the tenth.

There are four patrols of 2 elves patrolling the factory, only one of these is actively searching for Santa.  This may be increased to make the adventure harder.

Austin may cause the elves to stop searching for Santa by causing them to search for him, by either breaking the silence with a single shot or by being spotted by a patrol.  Should this occur then the elves may break off the search and seek to capture the intruder.

Once Santa is found the elves will seek to take him to General Mudd in the central chamber who will EXECUTE HIM!  Austin will seek to get Santa to the Getaway Sleigh on the far side of the board.

Santa may be rescued from the Elves by simply incapacitating each in Elf that is carrying him (e.g. in base contact with Santa).

Should Austin get to Santa first the spy may arm Mr Xmas thus making him the Winter Soldier.  He will be armed with a pistol and knife.  Santa can hold his own in a fight but is inherently a coward and would rather not.

As for the Pheasant… this is not fine or currently roast but all the poultry is kept in a pen in one of the rooms therein… upon the role of a 5 when searching the pheasant escapes and runs randomly throughout the board.  Austin must catch this before the game ends. This may be undertaken after other victory conditions are achieved but either way – when the pheasant is lose things may get messy.

Victory Conditions

For the Elves – find and execute Santa  (Minor Victory)

For Austin – Find and get away with Santa (Minor Victory)

Or... See below

Special Rules

Careful readers will note that Santa Claus in this scenario is hardly Whiter then Snow White.  Austin may choose to be nice and only incapacitate the Elves in the hope of peaceful resolution. This involves Austin finding Santa but on the way he has discovered the terrible living conditions of the elves….  Again the one in ten decreasing chance rule applies for locating the steps to the dungeons where the elves are kept.

With this discovered Austin may take Santa to General Mudd himself and persuade him that Santa must been taken to stand trial in Albion and not before Mordred (who would surely be biased).  Break checks may be used to resolve this discussion as the currently winning side will be more persuasive.

Should Austin succeed in peaceful resolution then Santa will be taken away in chains... Major Victory for all!!! Or is it? 

Who will deliver the present?????? 


And in the skies throughout the night...

“Have a Groovy Christmas baby! And to all a good night!”


Webmaster’s Notes

An Orcs in the Webbe original!


Click on the Austin Powys tag below to see all of his adventures here on Orcs in the Webbe!