"Radland Races"

A Collection of Published and Unpublished for 7TV Apocalypse Material by Helena Nash

Helena Nash brings us a selection of published and unpublished articles for Crooked Dice's 7TV Apocalypse giving you a feel for one of the lost shows, Radland Races.

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What is 7TV Apocalypse?

7TV:Apocalypse is designed for cinematic style skirmish games. If you love an old dystopian television show or post-apocalyptic film and wish you could realize it on the tabletop – well, now you can! Designed to work with the 7TV 2nd edition rules, the 7TV:Apocalypse rules contained within this box are stand alone, but are intended to allow players to run games within the many worlds of the post-apocalyptic genre.

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Radland Racers

Below is a collection of published and unpublished material from 7TV Apocalypse for you, in the form of three documents.

They are all about one of the main 7TV Apocalypse settings - Radland Races - a post-apocalyptic car chase action series that is part Mad Max and part Wacky Races (with dollops of Judge Dredd Cursed Earth thrown in for good measure).

You can donwload the individual PDFs by clicking on the links or simply read the three in your browser.

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Radland Racers: Cast & Concept

To download this rules supplement from the Orcs in the Webbe Dropbox account as PDF produced by Helena with formatting and lovely pictures click here - Craig, Editor. 

Pitch

A vehicle-based action-adventure, following the exploits of colourful madcap driving teams as they race across post-nuclear wastelands in their signature vehicles working for, or foiling the plans of, the scheming Boss Vegas!

Production Notes

Pitched to Barron as something for the teen market, this concept drew on the popular chase movies in the tradition of The Great Race, Bullitt and the French Connection. It was a light-hearted look at the end of the world intended for syndicated Saturday morning or Saturday evening slot and featured broad characters, scenery chewing villains (the screen test footage of Jack Palahniuk as Boss Vegas has to be seen to be believed) and most importantly lots of car chases and collisions!

Casting

An ever-changing ensemble cast filled with outrageous guest stars, either as allies or enemies!

The Stunt Rider – a wandering spirit, the death-defying Stunt Rider can be found performing at market fairs and grand celebrations alike, jumpingimpossibly wide canyons and rad-swamps on his custom bike in return for bed and a meal, or a cash prize. A popular figure among common people, he has been known to fight for the downtrodden against oppressive, overwhelming forces, sometimes seemingly perishing in the fight, only to appear on the road hale and hearty days later (Wasteland Wanderer).

The Fruit Loops – Humanoid animal mutants, mutated humans, or simply four lunatics in funny animal suits, this bizarre quartet's true nature is a mystery. When not lurking in their lopsided funhouse in the heart of the old abandoned Wonder World theme park, they race around in their personalised buggies, over hill and highway, making up a mess of fun. None who have ventured into Wonder World in pursuit have ever returned (Beastmen).

Bunny & the Brigand – The handsome Brigand (Scrounger) is a legend across the Radland for his skills as a driver, his boyish charm and his luxuriant mustache. With his portly pal Bunny in the passenger seat they have an unmatched reputation for winningraces and transporting certain 'high-end goods' from A to B in record time. When the Brigand's dazzling smile isn't enough to get them out of trouble, mild-mannered Bunny transforms into his superheroic alter ego, Captain Catastrophe (Mondo Muto).

Filmore & Clive – Bare-knuckle brawler Filmore Manco (Living Legend) doesn't want to fight, but it's the only way he knows how to make a living, even if that puts him up against some pretty tough opponents, and not all of them human. Fortunately he knows that he can rely on his partner and co-driver Clive (Terminal Crazy), an orang-utan with a devastating right hook. Gwayne Lord – Sophisticated, single-minded and utterly ruthless, Gwayne Lord (Bad Lieutenant) is the black sheep of his family, having killed his own father and stolen his top-secret invention, the indestructible armoured semi dubbed TITAN. Inside this invincible eighteen-wheeler, Gwayne is all but unstoppable, smashing lesser vehicles into scrap wherever he goes. His only weakness is his sheer overconfidence and unwillingness to resist a challenge to his ego

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Outline Synopsis

The Lastwar lasted hardly any time at all. It didn't need to. Once the first missiles were in the air, everything pretty much ran according to schedule.

Major cities disappeared in clouds of nuclear dust, pre-emptive strikes and retaliatory launches passed each other in the skies and delivered their payloads of megadeath entirely as planned by the men in the bunkers, and the supercomputers that ran the systems for them when they were among the first to die.

But surprisingly, this was not the end of the world. Far from it. Whether through luck, act of God or some unknown outside force, a small percentage of humanity survived the nuclear Armageddon. Vast regions of the Earth were radioactive hellholes, entire continents and oceans reshaped by the cataclysm, leaving civilisation in ruins and transforming once-commonplace resources into precious commodities worth killing for, but somehow isolated pockets of mankind endured.

Decades later, societies very different from those that once flourished across the face of the Oldworld have risen from the ashes of destruction. It is a hard, brutal age, where strength, ruthlessness and resources are king. The weak, the gentle and the poor suffer and die. Democracy is a fairy tale, justice a bad joke, and the only laws are the laws of the new world: Take what you can, Kill who you must, Run from the rest.

The peoples of the new world are as varied and strange as their environment. Junkers make hellish treks across the radioactive badlands, transporting valuable cargoes of food, medicine and clean water in their lumbering gas-guzzling armoured megatrucks, fighting off starving mutant warbands, cunning mongrels and avaricious scav gangs eager for plunder. Barbaric warlords live in decadent quasi-mediaeval splendour, taking their pick of the local produce and the cowed farmers, ruling with an iron fist in a studded leather glove. Traveling carnivals parade their mutant freakshows and bawdy entertainments to people who only dimly remember a world of small screens and movie houses.

Loners and lunatics declare themselves lords of all they survey, fortifying long abandoned shopping malls and sports stadiums into their own personal post-cataclysmic castles, hoarding precious stockpiles of gasoline, drugs and ammunition. Lone lawmen wander the Radland dispensing their individual interpretations of justice to a world gone mad, while itinerant road warriors sell their services to whichever beleaguered settlement can give them a bed, a meal or tank of gas.

The greatest, most wonderful, most terrible place in the new world is Apocalopolis, a glittering, belching, thundering mobile city, crawling across the Radland as it greedily harvests all before it; gas, food, water, slaves. Both pleasure-palace and pirate landship, both factory and fortress, Apocalopolis draws as many people eagerly into its orbit as it sends others fleeing before its earth-shaking tank tracks.

And the greatest spectacles in this hard new age are the Radland Races; insane thousand-mile contests of man and machine, with a king's ransom in precious resources the prize, courtesy of the capricious Boss Vegas, mayor of Apocalopolis. Only the desperate, the prideful or the insane enter their vehicles into the Races, and only the lucky survive.

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Radland Racers: Four Exciting Script Extracts

To download tthe following Script Extracts from the Orcs in the Webbe Dropbox account as a PDF produced by Helena with formatting and lovely pictures click here - Craig, Editor.

- RADLAND RACES -

- THE CANYONBALL RUN -

18. BLACK CANYON, EXTERIOR:

The indestructible semi TITAN roars down an iron-hard old riverbed, belching exhaust fumes and chewing up the spindly brush and vegetation under its wheels. Several buggies driven by savage TUCSON RAIDERS bounce and buzz around the truck. The bandaged, goggle-wearing RAIDERS hoot and gurgle in their debased tongue as they fire ineffectually at TITAN's impenetrable bulk. Up ahead, the STUNT RIDER's custom bike churns up a dusty trail as he tries to stay ahead of TITAN.

TITAN, INTERIOR:

GWAYNE LORD grips the steering wheel tightly and shifts up a gear. His eyes are fixed on the STUNT RIDER's bike, as he slowly catches up. Also in the cab is the captive COLORADO BEATLE, a man-sized bug handcuffed to the door.

GWAYNE (grim)

Nowhere to run, Rider. Not this time.

BEATLE

Listen mate, I can see you're busy here. Why not just let me out here and I'll walk the rest of the way?

GWAYNE (turning to look at the BEATLE)

You're going nowhere until you've shown me that short-cut. Then I'll let you go. I'll even let you keep most of your legs.

BLACK CANYON, EXTERIOR:

The STUNT RIDER weaves around rocks and scrub expertly, keeping low in his seat. With a twitch of his visor, he catches sight of TITAN closing in behind, and guns the bike forward. The TUCSON RAIDERS abruptly slow down and let TITAN pull away as they hoot and gesture to one another.

TITAN, INTERIOR:

GWAYNE (exultant)

I have you now, Rider. I'll squash you like a bug on a windshield.

BEATLE (protesting)

Hey, no need for that sort of language. Oh, dam.

GWAYNE (confused)

Damn what?

BEATLE (pointing ahead in fear)

DAM!

BLACK CANYON, EXTERIOR:

Blasting through the dust cloud in the STUNT RIDER's wake, TITAN is on a collision course with the massive concrete base of the old Hoover Dam. Seconds from impact, GWAYNE and the BEATLE look up to see the STUNT RIDER racing his bike impossibly up the near-vertical face of the towering dam.

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- RADLAND RACES -

- BEYOND FENDERDOME -

9. TRASHCAN CITY, EXTERIOR:

The closely packed streets of the mobile metropolis make for a maddening maze of tight turns and nonsensical dead ends. Separated from the other Racers, DOCTOR PROTE O'TYPE and CALAMITY CRACKSHOT pilot their respective vehicles down a market street, reducing already rickety scrap merchant stalls and ratburger stands to a hail of metal and plastic. Behind them a trio of unstoppable KILLBOTS close in at a rapid, steady, terrifying pace.

CALAMITY (to PROTE on comms)

One good thing about this place, it's hard to make much more of a mess of it.

PROTE (observing the KILLBOTS in his rearview mirror)

Remarkable, quite remarkable! The sophistication of the programming alone is the stuff of dreams. If I could just get a look--

EFFECT: A hail of automatic gunfire from the KILLBOTS stitches a line of bullet holes along the flank of PROTE's incredible Gyro-Sub, forcing him to hunch down instinctively in his seat.

CALAMITY (to PROTE on comms)

Save the robo romance for later, Doc. When we're out of this damn maze!

CALAMITY makes a sharp ninety degree turn and skids her Pink Panzer down a side-street, scattering some mutant kids chasing a four-legged chicken. PROTE fails to make the same turn and smashes through a series of shanty cars, sending corrugated iron and auto parts flying in all directions. The Gyro-Sub comes to a shuddering halt among the wreckage as PROTE lies stunned in the cockpit. The KILLBOTS run closer, raising their weapons and locking onto PROTE's prone form.

EFFECT: The FRUIT LOOPS distinctive 'theme tune' blares out from somewhere nearby, accompanied by the roar of vehicles approaching at speed.

The lead KILLBOT is smashed sideways by an onrushing doom buggy, driven at suicidal speed by one of the FRUIT LOOPS, a man-shaped dog wearing a bowtie and a fireman's helmet.

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- RADLAND RACES -

- FURRY ROAD -

6. MILLION ACRE WOOD, EXTERIOR:

The convoy of Racers tears down the winding forest track beneath warped Radwood trees that seem to bend down to swipe at the motley collection of vehicles. Mud and foliage fly every which way as they plough ahead.

FILMORE'S PICKUP, INTERIOR:

Itinerant prize fighter FILMORE MANCO squints through the filthy windshield as he forces his battered pickup around a fallen tree trunk. His orang-utan companion CLIVE sits in the passenger seat, staring idly out the side window. FILMORE rubs his bruised jaw.

FILMORE (growling)

We almost got past those Urban Gorillas back there without a fight, but you had to mouth off.

CLIVE turns to FILMORE and blows a long lingering raspberry.

FILMORE

Funny. Real funny.

MILLION ACRE WOOD, EXTERIOR:

Up ahead, CHUCKY CHAINSAW'S improbable Woodmobile carves a new route through the trees, spraying sawdust and timber in its wake, closely followed by the BRUISE BROTHERS. Suddenly an explosion sends the hairy metal-heads and their vehicle spinning end over end to crash into a tree. Other explosions follow, forcing the Racers to scatter in all directions. The source of the attack is a small autogyro, barely visible up above the tree canopy.

FILMORE'S PICKUP, INTERIOR:

As FILMORE struggles to keep control of the vehicle, his CB radio crackles into life. The voice is that of the ursine autogyro pilot, BEAR IN THE AIR.

BEAR IN THE AIR (voice)

Hey there, it's the Bear in the Air! Didn’t ya see the sign? 'No Humans in the Wild Kingdoms'.

FILMORE (grabbing the CB handset)

Any chance we can just talk about this?

EFFECT: Another explosion rocks the pickup, showering FILMORE and CLIVE with dirt. CLIVE rummages around on the back seats and pulls out something long and military looking.

FILMORE (to CLIVE)

If you're gonna use that, do it outside this time.

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- RADLAND RACES -

- APOCALOPOLIS NOW -

15. VEGAS' PENTHOUSE, INTERIOR:

RICK RASCALLY is half marched, half dragged by a squad of RAIDERS into an airy chamber which is decorated with gaudy artworks from before the Lastwar and the stuffed heads of various mutated beasts. RICK's canine sidekick MUTIE lopes in behind them and sits down, sporting a mocking grin of overlarge fangs. The RAIDERS deposit RICK before the great throne of BOSS VEGAS, who sprawls across it, one booted foot casually draped over an arm of the seat. A chain trails from BOSS VEGAS' wrist to a hunched rad-hawk that perches atop a chandelier.

RICK (indignant)

Unhand me, you unwashed Neanderthals! Don't you know who I am? Mutie, don't just sit there, you nincompoop!

VEGAS looks up from his musings and eyes RICK with a menacing expression. RICK ceases his squirming.

VEGAS (laconic, low)

Where're the tankers, Rick? Where's my guzzoline?

RASCALLY gulps and tries an unconvincing smile, straightening his coat.

RICK (ingratiating)

Boss Vegas, your warshipfulness, there have been... unforeseen developments. The oilers, they've got help.

VEGAS sits up and leans forward, his scowl murderous. He jerks the rad-hawk's chain. RICK takes an involuntary step back.

VEGAS (hissing)

What. Help?

CUT TO OILENT GREEN, EXTERIOR:

BUNNY, in his home-made Captain Catastrophe costume, stands atop the fortified wall, hands on hips, his cape flapping in the breeze.

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Radland Racers: Four TV Listings

To download tthe following TV Lisitings from the Orcs in the Webbe Dropbox account as a PDF produced by Helena with formatting and lovely pictures click here - Craig, Editor.

5.45
Radland Races
Starring Harvey Gorman
The Canyonball Run
Boss Vegas promises water for life for the first Racer to reach Arizona Bay by braving the entire length of the Grand Canyon: 300 miles of crumbling cliffs, flash floods, savage Tucson Raiders and of course their fellow competitors.
Rick Rascally .................. HARVEY GORMAN
Dirk Decent .................... CHRIS REEVE
Colorado Beatle .............. RICHARD STARKEY
Tucson Raider ................ PETE DIAMOND

5.45
Radland Races
Starring Chris Lloyd
Beyond Fenderdome
A rad-storm forces the Racers to make a detour through the Wholly Roamin' Empire, the nomadic lands of the Trash Pope, Cletus III. Can they put their differences aside long enough to escape scrapheap challenges of the Trashcan City?
Doctor Prote O'Type ...... CHRIS LLOYD
The Bruise Brothers ....... JOHN BELISHA & DAN ARKWRIGHT
Pope Cletus III ............... SORRELL BROOK
Scrappy Dude ................. MICHAEL J BALLARD

5.45
Radland Races
Starring Jameel Farr
Furry Road
When one of the Racers kills a powerful warlord's son in a brawl at the World's Edge Diner, they must all flee his avenging motorized army. Their only hope is to reach the safety of Rapid City in time, but they must first pass through the Wild Kingdoms, home to hostile tribes of mutant animals.
The Blue Baron .............. JAMEEL FARR
Freak & Fright ................ ED CASSIDY & DANIEL DEVITO
Pet President Mittens ...... CAROL SHANNING
Bear in the Air ................ DAWS VALET

5.45
Radland Races
Starring Susan Anthony
Apocalopolis Now
The ruthless Boss Vegas has his eyes set on the precious gasoline reserves of Oilent Green. But the desperately outgunned inhabitants of the tiny community have enlisted the help of a few brave – or greedy – Racers to join them in a near-suicidal stand against the approaching fortress city.
Calamity Crackshot ........ SUSAN ANTHONY
Lips Half-pint ................. MIKE DUNN
Boss Vegas ..................... JACK PALAHNIUK
Oil Can Larry ................. HAROLD D STANTON

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Webmaster's Notes

The above rules supplement is an Orcs in the Webbe excusive and was first published on December 4th 2019 as part of its 2019 Advent Calendar.

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