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The Memoirs of Sergeant Graznak, Part the 2nd |
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Written by Marc Bacon
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Thursday, 15 November 2007 00:00 |
We heard from the Joccs(1) who now had joined us that a grate Human army was marching towards us. Many a dark word was spoke in the companies that we should leave this place and go south. Some cravens left in the small hours to flee, but they was all brought back by the Provosts (who now number as many as lice in a smock) and was placed before a martial court. This court was in fact some of the Nobs(2) and our Snouty, sat at a big table made of a drum with their swords laying atop it. The runaways was brought in chains before them and stood. I must here relate in grate shame that of those cowards were two I knew: My cousin Gorsh and his son Orace who was of an age of me. Everyone knew that Orace was simple and never did but what his Da told him, but that was to crush no mice in what was to follow. An Officer of the 19th(3) was called as Prosecutor and our Lemon(4) as Defenderer. Up stands this Officer (my comrade Wilt says that he is a proper barstad) and starts to tell the Nobs what they already know, which is that these lads took off during the night for to run south and that the Provosts caught them and fetched them back. Then Captain M stands and says his piece, as to how these soldiers have examply reckons(5) and was never intending to do more than have a rest in the hills for a few days before rejoining their Regiments. Well, we all started to laugh at that until Snouty shouts for silence and the Provosts achieved it by breaking some skulls. The Nobs then has a bit of a whisper amongst themselves and, of a sudden, picks up their swords from the table and puts them back down again with the points towards the prisoners.
There was a short silence until Snouty, getting to his feet, says in a solemn voice that he had hoped to avoid what was now to happen, that he had believed his orcs to be made of some sterner stuff than these here before him. Then he orders all of the deserters to be shot before 'the assembled regiments, as an example and a warning to any who might be tempted to do similar. The 1st Guards done the job then we was all marched past the corpses for a close look. It was the first time we had seen what a Bessie does to flesh and blood and it wasn't so pretty.
There wasn't anybody else went missing for a long while.
Over the next few days we had some artillrie turn up in the hands of the Dwarf Alleys. Artillrie is like big long pots on wheels which fires balls like our muskets only much much bigger, or then again pots full of balls just like ours(6).
t woz near the end of the munf as the summer ends that Captain M summons me to 'is billet with the rest of the Nockers(7) from our Company. As soon as I seen him I knew he'd been taking the Dwarf spirits(8). He tells us as how we're going to see our first battle in the morning and he knows we will do our duty and not shame him. He says we are the best est scum he's ever known and that he almost looks upon us as if we was his own body lice. With that 'e falls asleep and won't be waked. Our Regimental Sarn't Major says all officers needs their sleep on account of the great weight of duty they carries - I believe it has more to do with the great weight of liquor they carries in their bellies.
Reveille was sounded two hours before the dawn and we made as good a break-fast off what we could find as we may, which wern't much as the misery wagons(9) had all been moved to the rear in the night and left us nought. Orders came that all fires woz to be put out and that we woz to check equipment and amnition. All us had been issued with forty cartridge apiece, but some lads had been dealing for drink with the dwarves and "were sorely depleted" (least they woz when the Provosts had gave them a good kickin'). I am proud to note here that none of my lot woz in the least depleted in such a way and the accusations of Corporal B that my fine boys plunderd his lads pouches are nothing but bitterness and gall.
As the first glow lit the sky we were ordered out of the gates and onto the flat plain before he city. We took up our position in the Jine next to the 19th, the Orkshires, with the 45th Snottinghamshire on your left. In these days regiments were no thin' like to the size they are in the present time. We were but three companies of fifty each which is like to say only a little more than a modern platoon (sic) of which there are a great many to each of the companies in a modern regiment, but what we lacks in numbers we made up for in braveries of some of us - as Duke Snouty said we woz "the thin red streak" and he woz referring straight to my lot when 'e said it... (Here Graznak dissembles at great legth on the virtues of "his lot").
As the Sun rose behind us we becomes aware of a glittering and flashing about a mile away from us to the west and as it becomes plain that it's a whole hu-man host a-marching on us , some low orcs starts to shuffle and withdraw but the Nockers swearing, shouting and breaking heads the line is soon restored. I am proud to say that not one of my lot shifted an inch but stood firm and belligerent as did I, at this time the 45th woz ordered to a position immediately behind us and our companies were seperated by companies of the 2nd Foot Guards being put in between us. This must obviously have been designed to make us the most formidable force on the field and to defend the 45th who may of been a bit nervous. We also had some KGL Provosts immediately to our rear so I think we must have been guarding somethink important. It seems that in no time at all we see these hu-mans face to face and a right lot of Jeremys(10) they look with all their armours and bows and axes and swords and halberds and crossbows and the like. Just when it it looks like some of them are waking up and about to start carvering us up there comes the greatest noise like you ever did hear and they falls about like skittles at a farting contest(11), it woz them Alley Dwarves and their Artilleries all banging away together and next comes the order to platoon fire and we knocks even more of them down, then the Army is ordered to wheel march into the flank of the hu-man column, firing all the while and we just smashes them to bits. There was some plunder to had that day, but by the time we got to them there wasn't a deal left, still I am proud to say my lads were in the thick of it and probably on the day.
I myself captured an Eagle which must of been dazed by all the shooting and fell slap into my arms and good eating it made too.
Footnotes
1. Ratmen from the Joccian Highlands had at this time been raised as a regiment - the 42nd Foot or the Midnight Watch.
2. Nobs - the name amongst the rank and file for those Noble orcs of His Grace the Duke of Wheeling-Turn's own Household or Bloodline.
3. The 19th Regiment of Foot or 1st Orkshire Regiment.
4. Believed to be a reference to Captain R Mark's attempts to encourage his troops to partake of fruit and vegetables.
5. Exemplary Records.
6. Graznak's description of Roundshotte and Kannister is rather basic but recognisable. The Dwarves had used seige cannon for at least two hundred years before Morded's warping of Wyld Magick, although the amount of technomancy required per shot made them a very rare sight on any battlefield.
7. Dwarf spirits are distilled, according to the Dwarves from pure rock, and have the same effect on the hed of the imbiber.
8. Orcish slang for NCO's.
9. Graznak would appear to mean the Commisarry wagons.
10. An Orcish term for those with a bent towards poetry, theatre, flower pressing and wholesale buggery.
11. An obscure Orcish sport akin to Ten Pin Bowling which uses no bowling ball, but which amuses the Orcs no end. Technical terms include: Ripper, Fluff and strangely, Brown Out.
Webmaster's Notes
Originally published in Orcs in the Hills, Issue 3 in the summer of 1996. |
