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The Illustrated Londinium Times: Birthday Boy Beaten Black and Blue ! |
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Tuesday, 18 December 2007 00:00 |
Andrew Orc-Webber, the famous Albion 'composer', spent his 50th birthday in hospital after receiving a beating this week.
Orc-Webber, one of the most hideous yet popular tunesmiths of our time, was assaulted in the Glob theatre by a gang of unhappy composers. Best known for works such as "Romeo and Julie Yet", "A Midsummer's Day Dream", "McBethan", and the outstanding "Shopkeeper of Venice", Orc-Webber has been hailed as a genius by all of his friends and sponsors.
Frequently accused of being a "note-stealing story-robbing charlatan" by his critics, his shows are popular throughout Albion . While some choose to describe his mind as a "creative desert in which no original thoughts flourish", others point out that his music is "the distillation and combination of all that is good in other compositions." Orc-Webber received his drubbing before the opening night of his new play, "Richard the Bird", which is all about a King of Albion who was born with a pair of wings.
The play has been a source of controversy ever since Orc-Webber's former friend, Tim Ryce-Pudding, publicly accused Webber of stealing all his lyrics and calling them his own. It was Ryce-Pudding who led the pugilistic protest against his one-time colleague at the Glob, shouting "plagiarise this!" every time his foot connected with Webber's unsightly face. Friends and critics alike were quick to comment upon the incident. Orc-Webber's former wife and star, Sarah Dimlass, said that she couldn't think of "anyone more deserving of such physical expressions of criticism", while the Dog composer, Johann Sebastian Barck, has allegedly done nothing but laugh triumphantly since hearing the news.
Asked whether or not her son deserved such a trouncing, even Andrew's mother found it difficult to deny that the thumping was a long time coming. "Andrew is such a naughty boy. All he ever does is steal other peoples' work and try and pass it off as his own. It's so obvious - all he does is change the title and some of the words, and he didn't even write those himself," she said.
Orc-Webber was said to be too ill to speak, but after our reporter shook his bandaged body around a bit, we managed to get a hoarse screech from the broken mouth of the maimed 'maestro'. While this doesn't really convey all of his sentiments at the moment, it's a tantalising taster of the agony he must be in. We at the Illustrated Londinium Tymes wish him a long and happy stay in hospital.
Webmaster's Notes
This was originally published on the original Alternative Armies Flintloque website. |
